“Toddlers & Tiaras” Review: From Conception to Perfection

There is plague upon our screens people. Frivolously flaunted by America, undoubtedly unbeknownst of the Catholic Church, and now broadcast across our airwaves in a bevy of social depravity.

“Toddlers & Tiaras”.

All in the title, this show documents the trials and tribulations of baby Miss America contestants and their oh-so supportive parents, from conception to perfection. When I was two, I wish my parents were this supportive of their… I mean MY desires to be jabbed with collagen and plastered in Vaseline for sweet, sweet gold. I’d be a hell of a lot wealthier that’s for sure. I wouldn’t win, I probably wouldn’t even crawl my ass on stage, but I hear those child molestation charges can pay out big time! Is it wrong for parents to secure a child’s financial future at the expense of one poor pensioner’s indiscretions? Ewwww…

But regardless, this show would be much more palatable if they got rid of that damn “thwap thwap thwap” sound bite coming from the judges table.

“Toddlers & Tiaras” gets one Pope John Paul stamp of approval out of ten. I would have used a Michael Jackson stamp of approval, but that would just be in bad taste…