The other day I discovered the most amazing fact. A gorilla has a penis that is only one inch long! I know right, what a shock! This discovery prompted me to jump on to Wikipedia post haste and find out everything I could about the sexual anatomy of a gorilla. I would have always guessed that a gorilla’s penis would be gargantuan, dwarfing your run of the mill porn movie Johnny Studd. At least they have the chest beating going for them, without that what do you have? Maybe Asian men should start beating their chests around Ho Chi Minh square? Anyway, I began learning of the gorilla’s perplexing sexual habits.
Did you know that whorace female gorillas solicit sex from male gorillas, while having sex with another! They give them those “come fuck me” eyes while already being come fucked! Gorillas have clearly not been made aware of oral/anal sex. Otherwise, we would be seeing a hell of a lot more crowds at local zoos. I for one know I would pay at least double, maybe even triple normal zoo prices to catch a peep show of a gorilla three way. Is that weird, that I dream of a world where any blue collar Joe such as myself can enjoy the primal primate pleasures of a simple gorilla gang bang? Surely not I hear you echo! There have been many predecessors on my train of thought, so many so that you can blame your scrotal scratching for! That’s right, common pubic lice, crabs, were spread initially through sex with gorillas; which describes one hundred percent how David Schwimmer and the cast of “The Jersey Shore” came about. If I was David Schwimmer I would march on down to HBO and demand my own Osbournes style TV series, where he lives in a gorilla cage, throwing faeces at his ape family when he doesn’t get his ample banana feast.
Maybe that’s why gorillas eat bananas, compensating for their one inch penis? I sure know where the dildo came from, a bunch of disgruntled, displeasured female apes with a bunch of bananas.
